Good evening Embrace Church folks – as I said during this morning’s message, back in the fall, we presented a message called 8 Questions To Ask Before You Say I Do. I believe that it holds value for those who are single, dating, or engaged as you examine your heart and life and prepare for marriage. Also, for the married couples, I think it is worth taking a few minutes to read through these; perhaps it can help bring some things to the surface and help you move past some things. Enjoy and God bless. Dana
In week 4 of Conversations 2, we blended together two topics that received several votes – marriage and submissive wives. I shared a message called “8 Questions To Ask Before You Say I Do.” I promised to post a blog summarizing this message…it took me awhile, but here it is…
These questions are for two groups of people: those of you who are married and those of you who are not. For the single and unmarried, these questions will help you go into marriage carefully and thoughtfully which increases the chance you’ll stay in it permanently. For the married, these questions will help you to identify the source of tension in your marriage; there could be things you are dealing with now because there were things you didn’t deal with then.
8 Questions To Ask Before You Say “I Do”…
1) Are there any unhealthy, unusual, or unbalanced external influences at work in your decision to marry or not to marry?
Whose decision is this at the end of the day? How much influence do the opinions of your parents, relatives, friends, co-workers, church, and pastors have invested in this? Ultimately there are three things that matter – your voice, the voice of your partner, and the blessing of God. A three-fold cord is not easily broken.
2) Are there any unhealthy, unusual, or unbalanced internal influences at work in your decision to marry or not to marry?
Is there something going on inside of you that could be creating a fog in your mind so that you are not in a place to make the right decision? Examples of these internal influences are…
- Loneliness. You are tired of being single. You’ve convinced yourself that to settle down, you must settle.
- Tradition. You were taught that there is a “marrying age” and you’ve soared past it.
- Comparison. You’ve been to 15 weddings this year, and not one was yours!
- Convenience. You’ve got a chance to get married that provides mutual benefits in terms of image, money, or connections.
- Past Pain. What happened then is keeping you from the real thing now.
3) What is the witness of your community about this decision?
This does not contradict the first question. While you should not make decisions based on the witness of your community, you should at least listen to what those in your life are saying because God could be speaking. If 15 people tell you that the sky is falling, what does it hurt to at least look out the window?
4) How did you meet?
How something gets started paints a picture of how it might end. If your relationship was born in unhealthy circumstances such as adultery, that is a red flag. Were the circumstances worthy of you?
5) Is there a history of or evidence that there may be in the future abuse, adultery, or control?
If so, do yourself a favor and get out now. Galatians 5:1 tells us to stand firm in our freedom. This doesn’t stop on your wedding day. You should feel more freedom in marriage than in any other relationship you’ll ever be in.
6) Is he/she responsible and do they have a vision for their life?
I am not suggesting you marry someone with a “life plan” but you should at least marry someone who knows what they are doing tomorrow! The first question I always ask the women in my life when they start dating a guy is not, “Is he a nice Christian boy?” It’s, “Does he have a job?”
7) Is this someone I can grow in the grace of God with?
When you look at your partner, do you see a life that God is working in? Is there a journey of faith, a longing for Scripture, a desire to pray and worship, and an understanding of the importance of giving, serving, and church community?
8) Is this someone I can submit to?
A few quick thoughts about submission…
- Women do not submit to men; the Scripture speaks of a wife submitting to her husband
- The concept of submission is in the Bible (Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, Titus 2)
- Submission does not mean that women are not free thinkers, independent, creative nor does it mean that a woman can’t hold a position of authority or should ever have to tolerate abuse
- Submission is effortless when you know that the person you are submitting to has your best interest at heart. We easily submit to God because we know that God will not abandon us, betray us, manipulate us, or lie to us.
- Submission means we hold nothing back from the one who love (no secrets or half-truths)
- Submission means we hold nothing over the one we love (I won’t blame you for what they did)
Remember – go into marriage carefully and thoughtfully, and there is a good chance you’ll be in it permanently.